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Experience has shown me it’s a mental game. It’s not so much about circumstances changing, but about my mindset shifting. I can no longer buy into the illusion that if (insert desire) happens, then life will be golden. My life is too precious to play this waiting game. I’ve delved into enough spiritual and mental practices to know that the problem is never about the circumstances. What the what?!? Yep. Problems, obstacles and challenges are inevitable. They are a birthright of being alive and wearing the cloak of flesh. However, suffering does not have to be inevitable. It’s my choice to swim in the pot of suffer stew simmering with poisonous ingredients such as “This shouldn’t have happened.”; “Why is this happening to me?”; “Things like this never happen to so-and-so.” These thoughts perpetuate various states of dis-ease and fuel the feelings we don’t want – grief, despair, regret, guilt, anger, ambivalence.
When life seems to be purgatory-esque in nature, it’s time to enact a MindShift. It’s time to revisit the awe and wonder experienced during more amusing times in life. But how does one do this? And how do you do it consistently?
These are some of the many things I’ve done and continue to do:
1) Acceptance. First and foremost, I have to realize that some of the emotional muck just takes the time that it will take to dissipate. I don’t need to add insult to injury by beating up on myself for feeling craptastic and having undesirable thoughts in the first place. It helps the process do its thing when I accept that this is just part of the spectrum that I get to experience as a human being. Thinking this way tends to take the edge off of any “OMG I can’t do this anymore” thoughts.
2) Start your day with a mantra. Before starting my day in the morning, I say the following mantra: “Today is a blank slate. Today is not set. Tomorrow isn’t either.” Like John Connor said in the blockbuster movie Terminator 2: Judgment Day: “The future's not set. There's no fate but what we make for ourselves.” The real action is in the mind and it starts with a decision. By repeating this mantra I’m introducing a new concept, a new story into my psyche and experience. Isn’t this a better alternative to the autopilot doomsday mantra of “Here goes another day.”?
3) Enlist the support of a being partner. Maybe you’ve heard of action partners - folks you team up with for accountability in accomplishing certain actions leading to goals you’d like to achieve. A being partner works similarly, but instead you focus on states of being. Have a conversation every morning, or however often you choose, with a trusted individual. Check in with each other on what’s going on in your emotional and psychological world. How are you being in the world? Hint: Think adjectives. Then discuss what you’d like to invite into your experience and how you would like to be instead. There are sooo many ways to pick the state of being on which to focus – pick an inspiring adjective from a jar, read a daily devotional. My favorite book for picking states of being is Who Have You Come Here to Be?
4) Be there for someone else. Service is powerful. Not just for the recipient, but for the giver. One day back in 2008 I was in a state of professional panic, trying to figure out my life in my Hollywood apartment. Then I reminded myself to get out of the home and do something for another. So I took my arse to the Los Angeles Youth Network’s Hollywood shelter and spent a few hours mentoring and just hanging out with the homeless/displaced youth. The issues I was facing before just didn’t seem so big afterwards.
5) Add radiance to your actions. How can you bring more radiance to whatever you’re doing? If you want to experience something, be it or do it first! This is something I have to consciously practice on a regular basis. The dictionary defines Radiance as brightness, light, splendor and brilliance. How can you add more of these qualities into your day-to-day living? How can you infuse more of your flare, your essence, your spunk your uniqueness into whatever it is that you do wherever you are?
6) Move your body! Take your FAVORITE movement class. As a dance fitness instructor I can attest to the magnificence of ecstatic movement to improve outlook. Kundalini yoga is also a powerful modality to shake up stagnant energy utilizing breath, movement, mantras and meditation. Lastly, sometimes I go for walks and let my inner 6-year old have her time on the sidewalk. I skip, hop, jump and twirl. I move in ways I normally don’t move to shake up the energy. Every time I’ve done it, I feel immediately transformed.
Downtimes happen, but they don’t have to be a death sentence. You also don’t have to wait for circumstances to change in order to experience some good mojo in your life. With a little (or a lot of) deliberate refocusing of your attention, the challenges just might not bug you as much and, in perfect timing, they will inevitably shift.
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